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Taking Out the Trash is a Turn-on

Welcome to the official website of author Sherri Mills and the book Marriage 101 for Men: Why taking out the trash is a turn-on and I Almost Divorced my Husband, but I Went on Strike Instead.


Get out of the doghouse and back into the bedroom by adopting one simple phrase—Help isn’t helpful. Whether you’ve been married for three months or thirty years, failing to “help around the house” remains a major cause of discord. Following this book’s principles, a husband learns to decrease disputes and increase intimacy by owning his share of household work, not helping his wife do it all.

Find out more…



The Introduction to my new book

From Denial to Awareness
By Sherri Mills

What would you do if, suddenly, ALL you believe to be true and normal in your life disappears? Puftt! Gone! Never to return or to be the same again. That is what happens to children in divorce.
You will learn this and more as you read the letters in Children of Divorce: Hear Our Stories. Those letters will shatter our society’s “Happy Talk Myths” described in the previous chapter. Nothing is more powerful – or heart wrenching – than hearing the words of survivors themselves, from age 6 to 65, as they tell of their experiences. The statement “my childhood ended the day my parents decided to divorce” echoes loud and clear through their lives.
This book gives children of divorce a place to be heard. A safe place to let family, friends, and others know what their lives are like behind the mask of “I’m fine.” And a place to end the cycle of denial about divorce’s lasting trauma on innocents caught in the crossfire.
Why did I provide this sounding board?
Early on I was one of those in denial, one who believed society’s myth “They are young, they will get over it.” I am passionate about families staying together for the sake of the children – and have written two previous books* directed at couples thinking about divorce. I knew children had no say in the matter and were hurt by divorce, but I didn’t realize how deeply divorce affected everything in their lives forever.
As I researched my other books, I asked a lot of questions. I began to hear different answers from the children than I did from the parents. Different realities, in other words.
My research took me to noted Clinical Psychologist and Family Therapist Dr. Liz Hale. She called divorce “emotional suicide” for the children. She affirmed my belief that a “good enough” marriage is better than divorce for all parties concerned.
I’ve followed multiple generations of hundreds of families. Parents. Grandparents. Children. And their children. Over and over I’ve seen the real-life consequences of decisions made by men and women in their marriages – and, all too often, in their divorces.
I’ve heard all sides of the arguments, all the down-and-dirty results. It’s my business to listen to people. No, I’m not a counselor or psychologist though I’ve spent decades researching family issues. I’m a hairdresser and for almost 50 years clients have indeed safely shared their innermost lives with me.
Before I go any further, I want everyone to know that I have never been against divorces that obviously need to happen. Two of my children are divorced. There are many reasons for couples to part ways, abuse is one of them. I recently helped an abused wife exit her situation. I learned more than anyone would want to know. As painful as it is to look into the shell-shocked faces of children of divorce, seeing the terrified children who have been living with abuse is much worse.
I am on a crusade to save marriages (families and children) that can and should be kept from falling off of the cliff of divorce. I want to raise awareness in couples, not cause them more pain and guilt.
In both my previous books, I’ve written about the long-lasting effects of divorce on the lives of those innocents caught in the middle, the children.
Now it’s time to hear directly from them. I’ve collected** letters and poems from children of divorce – from youths to adults. I’ve added two interviews of children too young to write. I have removed names and modified identifying details to maintain anonymity of each person who trusted in me and my books and so generously shared their experiences.
Unless you yourself are a child of divorce, the letters in this book may shock and will distress you. These survivors become experts at outwardly hiding their pain, confusion, and betrayal. Here they bare their hearts.
Teachers and neighbors as well as extended family members can gain important insight from what these boys, girls, men, and women share in this book.
And, to children of divorce who read this, I hope you can find some comfort in the letters of others. Sadly, you are not alone.
A phrase I have heard too often is, “Well, no wonder those children are (fill in the blank) in trouble/ bad in school/ won’t listen/ act weird. Their parents are divorced.”
I want us all to change that to a caring attitude: “Those children have had their hearts ripped from their chest. For the rest of my time with them I want to let them know that I understand. I realize they will hate a parent one minute and love them to death the next. I understand that their lives are turned upside down and they need compassion and love.”
If I am a teacher, I won’t automatically label them and put them in a “problem child” box. I will realize that their mind is so busy thinking about the absent parent or secrets they have to keep that it might be impossible for them to listen. I will realize that the reason they are not involved in extracurricular activities is, through no fault of their own, that they are never in one place long enough to make it to all the practices. I will try to make up for that in other ways.
If I am a parent, I will work at never speaking speak ill of their other parent. (That parent is part of their DNA and if that parent is bad, in the children’s mind that automatically makes them bad). I will not use them as a crutch for my feelings of helplessness. I will be aware that before the divorce is final, the children will be going through just as much turmoil as I am and I MUST be compassionate and concerned for their welfare above my own.
If I am a relative, I won’t expect them to act like they used to or to be the person they used to be. I will accept the new person, realizing they are wonderful as they are. I will not talk negatively of their other parent or family.
If I am from a family that has never experienced divorce (from an “intact family”), I too will read this book. I admit that I and my children live in an entirely different world than that of children of divorce. These letters help demystify their other reality.
As the compiler of this book, I hope that the world of intact families becomes more common rather than rare. We often interact. In the “After Words” I have suggestions on how to make children of divorce feel more understood and welcome by society. The pain they suffer doesn’t have to be so severe. If we would all recognized their situation, their lives could be easier.
Thank you beyond words to the children of divorce who shared your lives so courageously with me and the readers of this book. I hope other children of divorce take heart in your example and speak out, spreading the knowledge and shattering the myths.

– Sherri Mills
* Books by Sherri Mills: Marriage 101 for Men: why taking out the trash is a turn on (2013); and, I Almost Divorced my Husband, but I Went on Strike Instead (2011).
** See the “After Words” for suggestions from various professionals on what we all can do to improve the outcome for the growing number of children of divorce. Go to the appendix to learn how I gathered these stories and poems in this book.

New Book

I’m back. I have been working hard all year on my next book. Children of Divorce–our Stories. I am almost ready to submit it. This is going to be a compelling book. Thirty nine children shared their innermost thoughts with me in their letters.

I have quite a few friends on Facebook so I put a questionnaire on Facebook and asked children to write their feelings after their parents divorced. I received three in so many months. However, I persevered and although it took almost ten months I couldn’t have asked for better results. These letters even gave me a whole new perspective on what these children go through.

Divorce From a Child’s Point of View

Every time I post something about the letters I need for my new book, I receive a couple more. I hope I can rally up a few more to get busy and get their letters to me.

Remember, the letters will be completely confidential. I really do believe that children need a voice.

Mom’s; you can have a stamped addressed envelope ready for your child to put the letter in and mail it without anyone reading it.

Letters From Children of Divorce

I have received so many letters from children who’s parents are divorced. Some of them make you want to cry. The letters are for my new book, (Divorce from a Child’s Point of view). There are still quite a few questionnaires that haven’t come back to me, so Anyone else who wants to write a letter, please contact me at sher@emerytelcom.net. Specify; letters about divorce.

Men are not the enemy

I had a conversation with one of my clients today. After hearing of her sister getting a divorce because her husband wouldn’t do anything around the house, she was livid.

She said, “Sherri, I think men who act that way are basically evil and there is no way to change them.”

I said, “It’s just as much our fault for letting it happen in the first place. Men aren’t evil they have just been misinformed, by us and by society.”

I think I am going to have to talk to her more to convince her.

Life begins again

Just when the interviews, signings and speeches slowed down, My heart did a number on me. I had already had a pacemaker, hoping that would do the trick. Beginning in December, I got weaker and weaker. I had pain in my heart all the time and I was so out of breath that I could barely function. When I went to the Heart Doctor he told me that I had massive damage to my heart and that my heart was extremely enlarged. He made an appointment for surgery.

The morning of surgery I got up brushed my teeth and washed my face and fell to the floor. I didn’t have a pulse and my blood pressure was so low that the machine I had couldn’t read it. I was rushed to our local hospital where they hooked me up, did all of their magic and shocked my heart before they transferred me to Provo. That is where Dr. Hwang did miracles and fixed me right up. It took me a while to recuperate. I turned down interviews because when your heart doesn’t work right neither does your brain. So if I couldn’t think right I for sure couldn’t do interviews, or post to my web sight.

Well life begins again and I hope I can keep up on my postings.

Busy life

I haven’t posted for quite a while. Besides working full time, I have been doing interviews on the radio, TV and for print media. So many people have been excited about all of this information getting out that I have been busy answering phone calls, Emails and even personal visits to my Salon. Folks begging me to keep going and to be their voice. I plan on doing that for the rest of my life, changing the world one household at a time.
Almost every marriage can continue to be happy if we all just work hard to make it happen.

Some exciting stuff

A lady came in my Salon yesterday and told me she had been looking all over the house the day before (for my new book that she had bought from me).

She said,” I finally found it. It was on my husbands nightstand and the book mark was almost to the end.” Then she said, “When I talked to him he said that he loved the book and wanted me to buy one for each of our children.”

Made my day.

Book Launch

Kings English book store is hosting a book launch today for my new book, ‘Marriage 101 for men–Why Taking out the Trash is a Turn on’. I am really excited. This little book store is so quaint. It’s the cutest one I have seen yet. I appreciate so much that they are letting me sign there.